beautiful toxicity

I can't deal with this.
how could I not
have known?

she's strong
amazing
incredible
it almost seemed
impervious
but no one
can grow completely
in that kind of
toxic environment

am I really that blind?
how could I not have known?
it takes more
than one weekend
to break a lifetime's cycle

the last time

the last time
you were with me
holding my hand
as the doctors figured things out.

you didn't like taht hospital
it held some
bad memories for you

I felt bad that day
knowing I'd
probably
ruined our day together.

but now
as I lie
fevered
with those same symptoms
but no vomit
(yet)
heart beating fast
from the elevated sugars

the only thing I can see
is your face
concerned
as you held my hand
kissed it
enveloping me in your love
even though
we hadn't realized it
just then

I miss you now
is that selfish?
I'm sitting alone
in this hospital room
and the only thing
I can think of
is you.

Why is that?

Rebellion of the Mind

Do I dare disturb
the Universe?

the Contemptious dare to ask
I seit
unwilling to answer
for pain will surely last

Do I dare disturb
the Universe
with my questions
of how? and why?
of when? or who?
or what became
of that one unuttered sigh?

"the economist as savior"
these lies that we are told
those simple truths
of quite false nature
are what have made us bold.

do i dare disturb
the Universe?

yes, i think i do.
for just this once
this thought process
is what might pull us through

revenge

I would slit
that throat
wrist
jugular
if I wasn't
such a pacifist

smoke screen

It's a simple
complicated mess of things

your throat
refusing that toxin
but your mind
craving
the euphoria
that comes.

so you pinch
your nose
hold your breath
keep that drag inside
for as long as possible
allowing
willing
hoping
for that dizzying effect

it'll make you
just a little happier
a little more flirty
the life of the party

life

It's never as easy
as anyone wants
it to be.

No.
It never is.

It's rough
and jagged
and bitter

It hurts
heals
scars.
And then we're left
with these marks on our bodies
and stories we'd rather not tell.