the last time

the last time
you were with me
holding my hand
as the doctors figured things out.

you didn't like taht hospital
it held some
bad memories for you

I felt bad that day
knowing I'd
probably
ruined our day together.

but now
as I lie
fevered
with those same symptoms
but no vomit
(yet)
heart beating fast
from the elevated sugars

the only thing I can see
is your face
concerned
as you held my hand
kissed it
enveloping me in your love
even though
we hadn't realized it
just then

I miss you now
is that selfish?
I'm sitting alone
in this hospital room
and the only thing
I can think of
is you.

Why is that?